Recently, I received a phone call from one of my regulars, a person who often hits me up for money. For years, it was difficult putting boundaries in place when it came to lending money. I would listen as my friends, family and other loved ones would share stories of their financial struggles and immediately I would offer help.
Not anymore. Today, I am much more comfortable saying no to requests for money from family and friends. I even wrote about it in a recent blog post, My 6 Rules for Lending Money (also available on YouTube).
Still, with these boundaries in place, along with my reputation for being much more discerning about lending money, I have started receiving a different type of call from people. I encounter calls I know are about money, but the person never gets around to asking. Instead, they drop hints about their needs, dancing completely around the topic but never directly asking me for money.
In these cases, I have taken the position of listening without offering. This can be difficult for me. I’m a fixer, a problem-solver. How do we get to the bottom of a problem, I typically ask.
A lot of these conversations take the form of venting sessions, during which the caller’s need for money comes up, but a request is never actually made:
I have a car payment due Tuesday, but I don’t get paid until Friday…
My taxes haven’t come back yet. I had planned to use that money for xyz. I am trying to figure out what to do…
I guess I’d better pick up some Instacart, Uber or Lyft shifts …
I can’t believe this creditor won’t wait one more day for their payment…
I just got paid and all my money went to bills… [This is often voiced as a complaint; I see it as a great day when you can cover your expenses]
It’s so frustrating. I’ll have the money to pay back on Tuesday when I get paid, if only I had it now for bills…
This last line is the closest I get to an actual ask. Again, as I mentioned in My 6 Rules post, I am not trying to be a hard ass or selfish. I just find that the requests are too often from the same group of regulars who continue to make irresponsible money decisions and turn to me for a bailout.
Now, I remain quiet and let them vent. Sometimes, I offer advice. Have you thought about this or have you considered that, I ask? I have no problem offering other forms of support.
What I won’t offer is money.
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