I Got This

By SaveYourSelf.biz

I have a difficult time asking for help. I mean a really difficult time. I go about solving problems without asking for assistance.

I often say that I am my own first option. Meaning when something comes up, it’s my job to handle it. It doesn’t even cross my mind to reach out for assistance.

At work, I would hoard projects, not intentionally, but out of habit. At one time, my department of 10 was down to five staff members. Everyone was pulling double duty and working extra hours. When my boss would ask me to delegate, I would push back, “to whom?!!” Everyone was so overloaded. In fact, there were days I would go into my deputy’s office and ask, sheepishly, if she could take on another project.

Even when we were fully staffed, I would still sit in my office, late into the evening, trying to figure out a solution to a problem instead of walking the halls of my department and putting it out to the team to weigh in.

In fact, I am so bad at asking for help that I keep a Post-It on my desk with the message: “Play to Your Strengths, Delegate Your Weaknesses.” I literally have to read it aloud a few times a day to remind myself of this. I often find myself in the weeds on projects when I really should be less hands on.

Most recently, I was hastily trying to coordinate the final details of a project before the door of my flight closed, texting and emailing all parties involved, when a colleague asked: Do you want me to wrap up and send the project to the client? This wasn’t a big lift, there were only two small tasks left. I was midway through a response explaining how I could handle it when I landed, when my colleague took it off my plate and completed it. I felt relieved and grateful yet uncomfortable.

At home, I manage our household finances, but my husband and I both contribute. If he forgets to send along money for bills, I find myself paying them all, making up the difference with my income. One time recently, when I needed additional cash to cover expenses, I found it difficult to send my husband this text: “Hey, do you have any loot for the household? If not, no worries.” Within minutes, he Zelled me cash. It was just an oversight.  

My Mom Squad, the most helpful bunch of people I have in my life, are always at the ready, willing to help. In fact, they are always two steps ahead of me even needing to ask. I am so grateful for their support, but I am also uncomfortable accepting it. If any of you has a Mom Squad, you can relate to the amount of time we spend engaged in these types of exchanges:

Thanks for picking up the boys from [insert activity]. How can I repay you?

No, don’t even think about it.

Are you sure?

Yes, I’m sure.

Sure?

Sure.

Please, I MUST do SOMETHING.

No, really, you don’t have to.

Ten minutes later…

Are you absolutely sure I can’t do something in exchange for you picking up the boys?

Here’s the crazy thing about my resistance to asking for help: When I do finally ask, and someone pitches in, I kick myself for waiting so long. It’s like, “Wait, I could have asked for help the entire time, but didn’t?” Do you know how many nights and weekends I could have saved if I had just gone to my team for help.

With my husband, he usually moves the money into the household account right away, but I waste time trying to make ends meet unnecessarily.

And with my Mom Squad, a simple “thank you” would save us from these drawn-out back-and-forth exchanges that come with every favor. After all, that’s what friends are for, they do favors.   

Or, I could save a lot of time and stress if I would just follow the advice on my Post-It.

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